At St. Hockeysticks School for Aggressive Young Women, Arts subjects are terribly underfunded and their problems largely ignored by management. The department heads meet to discuss what can be done about this unjust state of affairs.

Art: The arts in this school are terribly underfunded!

Music: I agree, it’s a shocking state of affairs.

Theatre: We must do something about it.

Music: The orchestra needs more instruments! I think we should campaign for more instruments.

Art: Well, yes, that is a problem, but also my classes have been trying to get by on the same tube of Titanium White all term.

Theatre: And there may not be a school play at all this year unless the bake sale next week is a major hit.

Music: I agree that’s a real shame, but we can’t focus on all those issues at once.

Art: I think we should ask for one expanded Arts budget to cover all our departments and more autonomy in how we decide to spend it.

Theatre: Good idea! I think we should also look into getting proper heating installed in the Arts wing.

Music: No! That’s too big, management won’t even consider it. Look, we should really just get the orchestra kitted out properly and then we can start sorting out the other issues.

Art: Look Music, to be frank, I know we’re all scraping by, but at least your department has a budget…

Theatre: That has been increased since you won the regional choir championship last year.

Literary: Whereas I’m not sure management is even aware we have a literary society.

Music: Honestly, I didn’t know you existed until just now.

Literary: …

Theatre: I think throwing all our weight into getting a dedicated Arts budget is the way to go.

Music: Are you saying you think it’s acceptable that we only have one old dented tuba and no tenor horns?

Theatre: What? No, of course not…

Music: Besides, if we get a new horn section, it’ll be good for Theatre too… can’t have a musical without an orchestra! And as for Art… well, we’ll think of something, but I think we all agree that…

Art: Sorry, but this is bullshit.

Music: Excuse me?

Theatre: I agree, this is bullshit. Theatre runs entirely on fundraising and every year it’s still a huge battle to get access to the hall for rehearsals.

Art: I know it’s nothing compared to the Sports budget, but at least Music gets something! You even get an entire page in the brochure!

Music: Well, there’s certainly no point in fighting about it among ourselves. The most important thing is that we present a united front.

Literary: I liked the one big budget idea…

Music: That’s too much to demand that upfront. There’s no point. We have to be realistic. We can’t expect to change everything overnight.

Art: In that case, I think we should focus on Theatre, since the school play is in immediate danger of being cancelled.

Music: Why are you being so divisive?

Theatre: Because your plan only addresses very specific problems in your department.

Music: Well yes, but look, Music is getting more and more popular, so it makes sense that we should start campaigning for Music needs before we focus on niche subjects. Plus, a rising tide lifts all boats, you know? I’m sure everything will fall into place once we have a proper tuba.

Literary: Well, why don’t we–

Music: Shut up, Literary. You’re not even a real department.